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I registered my new domain, and signed up with a new hosting company...i've downloaded most of the smallkat.com stuff, it'll only be new blogger stuff to update one the domain is finally ready.
I feel more comfortable with the new domain name. And it's cheaper. A lot cheaper. Smallkat.com will remain. I could sell it on, but who would want it. I've just paid for another 2 years (ouch!) but this is worth it.
I went to the gym last night. Had a godo work, and was accosted by one of the members of staff who was probably bored. But i made use of him to perfect my rowing technique, and my back only ached a little (i use my arms instead of my legs, which really puts pressure on both lower and upper back). Again, i know that the excesses of Tuesday will not stand me in good stead, but maintaining would be good.
I cannot resist chocolate...
Can you believe that it's only been a week since i did that bodybalance class? It feels like months ago. posted by (0) comments Wednesday, February 27, 2002
This is one of the funniest things i've seen in a while. and a lot of it really hit home. Yes, i do expect people to know where i mean when i say Town.
I've completely changed my mind after signing up for sweet dreams. I need to save money...
My current thought is to download all my stuff, cancel the account and just stick to free stuff. But then i wouldn't be able to post pictures, or put up any other pages...
It's the time of year when your professional development gets done. My boss has to speak to me tomorrow to add some stuff on to mine. "nothing serious", but you know me...i worry. Probably better communication skills, time management...
Too much time on the net?
posted by (0) comments Tuesday, February 26, 2002
I had another appointment at Patrick house. I talked abotu teh panic ttack i had on Saturday, and about the incident n the women's toilet that i believe started off my panic attacks. I find myself getting anxious even talking about it...i'll be back again in a couple of weeks.
I went to the gym last night. Good job too, because a client has come to visit us today, and has bought a box of celebrations. I have had far too many already. I had a good workout though, and the rower wasn't too bad. But that may be because i was watching "university challenge" on the telly at the same time and the pain of watching people not know classic kid lit overcame the pain of the rowing machine...
I am enjoying Decipher. But then it's quite stonish, so it would appeal. posted by (0) comments I had another appointment at Patrick house. I talked abotu teh panic ttack i had on Saturday, and about the incident n the women's toilet that i believe started off my panic attacks. I find myself getting anxious even talking about it...i'll be back again in a couple of weeks.
I went to the gym last night. Good job too, because a client has come to visit us today, and has bought a box of celebrations. I have had far too many already. I had a good workout though, and the rower wasn't too bad. But that may be because i was watching "university challenge" on the telly at the same time and the pain of watching people not know classic kid lit overcame the pain of the rowing machine...
I am enjoying Decipher. But then it's quite stonish, so it would appeal. posted by (0) comments Monday, February 25, 2002
A mixturous weekend. I lost 2 pounds! But then pigged out on a mango curry on Saturday, and soup, cookies, udon noodles on Sunday. Which doesn't sound bad, but the cookie are chock full of fat. On the other hand i also went and did the body pump clinic, so i know now how to stand properly, and i did my programme at the gym on Sunday. I had hoped to do the fatbuster class again, but i just didn't get back from my grandparents in time.
I have a good idea. I'm going to keep up smallkat.com at the more expensive rate for a year or so, the switch once i am comfortable.
(0) comments Friday, February 22, 2002
I did something that i might regret. I accepted a dreamhost off to upgrade to their sweetdreams plan at a lower rate.
So now i have full cgi access, and can put graymatter on the server. This means though, that i cannot update during the day. I'm back again to uploading when i get home. Which is a pain, but it means that i can go back to more of a journal format (which i do prefer), and can keep my entries on my own server.
Probably next year i will look at changing the name, but i will need help from dreamhost to do that. I have the new domain name picked out, i just need to register it, and get it pointed at the same place, and then at some point say bye bye to smallkat.com.
I am panicking a little about the money, but i trust dreamhost and i do want to go back into the journal direction. Obviously greymatter will means things are easier than when i was doing it completely manually, so perhaps it won't be so much of a chore.
Last night i did the Bodybalance class. And i really enjoyed it. What was even better was that one of the leaders at the girls brigade i used to attend (and was in fact a lieutenant at!) was there too. Apparently she comes to this class often, along with one of the other leaders. So it's good that i'll see a friendly face or two! The class was great (check out the link for detailed information), and i really did feel some pain relief (although it's back again today). The instructor was great, continuously telling us alternative moves for those among the class (ie me!) who were not as flexible, or who just simply couldn't do the normal moves.
I have tried yoga before, but this suited me better. I like music, in fact i cannot live without it, so doing yoga classes silently just does not work. But the routines in the bodybalance class are all done to music. It wasn't the workout that i usually experience, but it felt good in a different way. I think i will try and incorporate it into my routine.
You know what day it is? Yeah! Fridayfive!
1. Hey, baby, what's your sign? Do you think it fits you pretty well? Aquarius. Yeah i'm dreamy, but need my space!
I think i might have forgotten to mention that i started "war for the oaks", and i'm lovign it so far. It's very eighties...which can be both bad and good. And i don't get most of the musical references. But i'm enjoying it anyway! posted by (0) comments (yesterday)
I am still in a lot of pain. And now my back is hurting too.
You know things are bad when one of your male colleague commetns on the fact that you look tired... posted by (0) comments Wednesday, February 20, 2002
I went to the gym and did what i could. I went at between 4.6 and 4.7 on the treadmill, but the real killer was the rowing machine. My back ached from doing that, so i think i will have to be careful. Then i went home, had a soak in the bath and finished off "year of wonders". It was good, apart from the epilogue which felt out of place and a little too fantastical.
I am in pain. My stomach hurts. At least i think it might be lower than my stomach. Everytime i laugh, or sneeze i am in pain.
ouch.
I have just ordered "Adventures in the dream trade" by Neil Gaiman from coldtonnage books. posted by (0) comments Tuesday, February 19, 2002
I have booked to go next Saturday on living wells' bodypump clinic. I'm assuming that it will teach the techniques properly. Once that's done i can go to any bodypump class. Hurrah! I coudln't get onto this weeks bodycombat class, so i booked for bodybalance instead. It's something completely different, more yoga and pilates, but stretching is good. I sit down all day, so this is something that could do me just as much good as an aerobic workout.
posted by (0) comments Tuesday Too!
1.) When are you spending time frivolously on the internet? Pretty much all of it! 2.) Would you describe yourself as an east coast or west coast personality type? This means nothing to me. I'm your fairly typical middle-class English chick. 3.) It makes me really nervous when I...? drive posted by (0) comments National quiz last night. I was on a team with Donald, Sharon and Paul. I get on very well with all three, and we had a fun time and came a very creditble 3rd, only 3 points behind the winners.
I'm not doing very well on controlling my eating...i keep on picking up the cheese for my jacket potato, and today i ate far too many celebrations and then bought a flapjack. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am i sabotaging myself?
I am going to go to the gym this evening, and try and work off a bit. I am far too heavy now, and have been steadily increasing. If i can at least exercise and maintain that would be good. This week, anyway. I need more self-control. posted by (0) comments Monday, February 18, 2002
Thank you si, whoever you are...
It's been a busy weekend. After listening to my work collegues about joining the gym i decided to do it. I went to holmes place (at star city) where they had no-one to show me round, and no information that they were willing to give me. So i headed straight for living well where they were only too happy to show me round and tell me their membership details.
So i joined. There and then on Friday.
Saturday i had my hair trimmed, weighed myself (urgh) and then went for my equipment induction at the gym. The lad who took me and another gentleman around was very keen on pushing me. I am not really up for running for 10 mins on a treadmill. It just isn't practical. I was feeling quite disheartened, but then i realised that i didn't have to do what he said. If i wanted to walk briskly rather than run, i could do so.
I went to the Valentines party with spice in the evening. It wasn't the best i've been to. Most of the gang weren't there, and the ones who were either had someone, or were hanging with the beautiful people. I stayed in the quiet room and ended up talking to some people, new friends and old. And i actually preferred that. Plus, with evil dereks friends giving me weird looks i just didn't feel safe.
But it was nice meeting new people. I also caught up with Gary who had made me a couple of CDs by some singers that he liked. That was very kind of him, and i am looking forward to listening to some new styles of music.
I did another singing workshop on Sunday, it was ok. But i just didn't get the same positive vibe that i got last time. Still, i made some new friends...
Then i went and did my first class at the gym. Fatbusters, so mostly cardio with a couple of situps. Quite nice, and not too difficult, although i did spend more time trying to get the steps right.
Cool. According to the guardian my iq is in the range of 120+ posted by (0) comments Friday, February 15, 2002
1. What was the first thing you ever cooked?
Not a clue. Probably some fairy cakes. 2. What's your signature dish? I like to make low-fat carbonara. It uses from frais, and bacon with the fat cut off. Very salty and tasty. 3. Ever had a cooking disaster? (tasted like crap, didn't work, etc.) Describe. Plenty of times when i have been distracted and come back to find my mince for a spag bol had burnt to the bottom of the pan. Nothing terribly exciting!! 4. If skill and money were no object, what would make for your dream meal? Something with Salmon in! Salmon on croute, maybe? With a watercress sauce. 5. What are you doing this weekend? haircut, then a valentines day party that i don't really want to go to, then a singing for the terrified on sunday. i think i'm going to be quite tired out. posted by (0) comments So, i went around to Lindsay's and helped paint her dining room. It was fun. I have never painted a room before and with four of us (Lindsay, Darren and their friend Dawn) we were able to do the first coat in an evening. I also found out that Linds is going to be doing a Maths degree with the OU next year. How cool is that? If i start my degree next year we would be studying together!
I had a slight run in with mum, it brought back a lot of memories that i try and suppress. She had bought me a cake, which i was going to take to lindsays. When i got home i found it out of it's box and on a plate covered in candles. So i took them off, because i simply couldn't cope with the childish connotations, and also i was drivign to Lindsays and need the cake to be better protected!
She got all cross, but now i am stronger. And i won't back down. I guess that i am finally getting my rebellious teen phase, some ten years late.
It was necessary.and i also know that she does this to remind me to make a great deal of her own birthday... and i am through with that now. I am through with worrying about whether i got her the right thing, or whether i am making enough fuss. It sounds heartless and bitter...
Before dad died, mum and dad came up to Sheffield for mums birthday (my sister was studying at sheffield). My sister and i had clubbed together to buy a statuette and when we got to the pub where we were going to have a meal we presented it to mum.
She didn't look happy. In fact she hadn't looked happy from the moment that i had been picked up, and then my sister.
One of us asked why. It was because we had decided to give it to her in person, rather than sending it down for her birthday (which i guess would have been 2 days before).
In fact she was so angry at us, that before the waitress came and took our order she walked out of the pub, leaving the statuette.
We waited, thinking that she had gone outside to calm down. but she didn't come back. Lucy (being mums favourite) went out side to find her. But mum had gone.
We three got in the car and drove around for about an hour trying to find her, but there was no sign.
Dad dropped us off home.
It transpired that she had just walked out, walked to the train station and took a train home.
She didn't want to see us because we hadn't done what she expected.
She didn't speak to me again until Dad got ill. Whenever i phoned she was pass it straight to Dad. I remember Dad comign to visit me before he got ill (and i guess this would have only been two months between this incident and when he went into hospital) and i asked him why mum didn't love me.
Now you make think that this withdrawing of parental love was a one off, but it wasn't.
I spent my childhood this way. Doing something "wrong", something insubstantial such as not saying Thank you quick enough, would result in being cut out. It meant that mum wouldn't speak, and woudl refuse to sit down to eat meals with us, or whoever had done wrong.
I grew up learning to quickly say thankyou, and to second guess moods.
Even now i interpret things that other people do as them not wanting to see me. I am aware of atmosphere and moods.
And i cannot believe in unconditional love because i don't know it. posted by (0) comments Thursday, February 14, 2002
So far i am having a lovely birthday! I have had cards from people i didn't expect, and the books that i asked for. The office has been inundated with cakes, because it is my managers birthday tomorrow and he is not in the office, and it is also someone elses birthday.
I've certainly realised who my friends are, and it make them more precious.
Unlike Tom plasticbag i am no part of the Dido Demographic. I have the orginal version of No Angel, Dummy and Carry on Up the Charts (which is actually my sister's copy)
I saw amelie last night at the electric cinema. Only to find that this week it's playing at star city! posted by (0) comments Wednesday, February 13, 2002
I went to see Monsters inc last night. Not as good as Toy Story, but still a fun movie. I am going to try and see Amelie tonight. But it doesn't start until 8:45, which means that i won't be home until well after 11.
Because i am feeling uncomfortable having put on some weight again, i have decided to look at gyms. Living well has loads of classes, but you need to belong. Same with Holmes place.
Stuff what the Manc's say. I LOVE this song. And the singer has a nice looking website.
Now all i need is a decent translation. I can do some parts of it myself, but others are quite slangy. posted by (0) comments  posted by (0) comments (0) comments Tuesday, February 12, 2002
In one games magazine i saw a game previewed. It looked amazing. You control one male character, and another female character follows you around. The screenshots looked fantastic. Can i remember what it was called?
Nope.
Thanks to the gaming intelligence agency i have found it. Ico! Or was it there that i read about it? posted by (0) comments Stoning again, so why not have a look at that blog.
posted by (0) comments Tango sent me this link via email. Thanks, hun! Personally i rather like the idea of going and playing UT and killing loads of men ;)
I finished reading Ghostworld last night. Some parts of it i really got, but the ending...i didn't really understand. Can someone explain it?
Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You? I met with a cpn last night. I had to go over the whole thing again, and i didn't enjoy that. I want to tell a thing once and be done with. But i got on well with him, and i go back in two weeks time for further assessment.
Thank god. The electric cinema is showing Amelie this week. I think i might go tomorrow. posted by (0) comments Monday, February 11, 2002
But this isn't a pity party. Before i met everyone at the pub, i slipped into the zen store in Brindley place. They don't have a website yet. I used to pop in quite regularly when i was taking Japanese lessons at the Brasshouse.
I had decided that i wanted some relaxation music, and the girl behind the coutner recommended this. I really love it. Nature sounds, and music too. I played it several times, all the way through, over the weekend.
I didn't win an anti-bloggie.
Have you been watching the Olypmics? I was watching the Women's half-pipe last night. It was wonderful. Before then i never saw the attraction to snow-boarding, but those women made it look graceful and thrilling. I will never be able to compete at that level, i am just too short. I wish that they did an olypmics for people who are outside of the norm, but are not disabled.
I guess i just can try and do whatever it is i chose to do, to the best of my ability.
Which reminds me. Today i am going for my first CBT session.
Which also reminds me. I have felt a little uneasy about that separated bloke. He wanted to meet me very quickly, and i didn't feel right. Then i read this week's Sunday Times magazine, and they suggested chatting via email for a couple of weeks. That seems more sensible to me.
I'm jumping all over the place today! Friday night i looked through the property pages of the local freebie paper. There are quite a few properties going in a place called badgers close. I wonder why?
But i thought again. Yes i can get the mortgage, but can i actually afford the payments? Half of my salary goes to the taxman and to my employee share plan. I should hopefully see some return on investment in March, but i am feeling quite poor now!
I also put on 3lbs on Satuday, and i feel as if i have put on a couple more today. Heifer. posted by (0) comments Saturday night i was supposed to go out and celebrate my birthday. But i spent most of the night in tears. Trhee couples turned up, and my friend liz. It was ok until Liz left (quite early because she gets a bus home), and then there i was stuck with three couples. None of them noticed me crying because they were so into their partners.
It was then that i remember how rubbish it is being single.
They left early too, so i didn't even get to go to The Works, which would have been my ideal end to the evening. Only one of them stayed late, and that's because they are lovely.
I think that this is going to be the worst birthday ever.
I drove home (yes, i wasn't even drinking to drown my sorrows), and decided toget a burger from KFC. They had run out of chicken.
So i went to the 24hour spar and bought a bangers and mash meal.
It gave me stomach ache.
Pretty dreadful really posted by (0) comments Friday, February 08, 2002
the jewel UK "microsite" is open. Except it isn't. Someone should tell their web admin...
posted by (0) comments It's time for the Friday five!!
1. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone else?
posted by (0) comments posted by (0) comments some fucker spam bombed me last night. I had to delete 9 pages of crap. Hopefully any proper email messages didn't get bounced.
Apparently the ad by the Fort is the biggest in the world. I live a very short distance away from the Fort (about 2 mins), and pass this frequently. I knew it was big, but had no idea it was the biggest.
Don't forget that you have less than a week to buy me birthday presents!
This months spice newsletter has beginners ski stage 1 again. Damn. So i phoned up the office, and they are going to change it to a stage 2 for next month. Hurrah! Actually, that works out fairly well for me. posted by (0) comments Thursday, February 07, 2002
I went out for our twice a month unoffical sutton spice meeting at the bottle of sac in sutton. And now i'm going dancing tonight! Jen and Alison have started going to salsa and latin american dance classes in mere green. They've been going for a few weeks, and seem to be enjoying it. I do like dancing, and these classes start at a decent time.
So i shall try one out and see what it's like. Good exercise, and social to boot.
I got a pay rise today. HURRAH!! posted by (0) comments Stolen from suzen
posted by (0) comments Wednesday, February 06, 2002
Congrats to Tanni! She is one of my heroes.
I'm glad that someone else doesn't think that some modern art isn't all that it's cracked up to be. posted by (0) comments Dreamhost are trying to sort me out, but i have fucked up royally. I am trying to get them to clear down my account so i can completely start afresh.
Some sad news. Cookie had to be put to sleep. Mum took him to the vets (i don't get home in time); he wobbled on the vets table, and was clearly blind. The vet said that he had a lump in his tummy too. His quality of life was gone, so it was the best thing.
I still miss him though. I know he was only a hamster, but when i was in Chesterfield he gave me so much happiness and companionship. He was loved and will be missed. posted by (0) comments Tuesday, February 05, 2002
Come on dreamhost. email me and sort me out!!
posted by (0) comments Cool, i'm peggy too! Which Eastender are you?(stolen from Caitlinn )
I am so cross(at least it's taken my mind off the police...). I have been trying to reregister smallkat.com, but bloody verisign just will not accept my payment. I am currently trying to go via one of their UK partners. All i want to do is give them money!!
I think this might just be the impetus needed to register a domain name with a UK company. Something different. I'll keep the hosting at dreamhost though. They are so reliable (even if they are more expensive), and their customer support is fab. When i've had credit card trouble with them, they have always sorted it out.
Some time later...
However, netbenefits have sorted me out (good people). So smallkat.com will go on for a bit longer.
It's a shite name, the new one is a little better. posted by (0) comments Another day, another panic attack. I was driving in the middle lane on the way to work, happily passing by lines of cars. I went past a police landrover, whcih then moved into my lane and came up right behind me. so close that i couldn't see the top of the car. I then saw that it moved over into the far lane, but still behind me. A few seconds later i could see that it had it's blue lights on and was losign speed and eventually moved back through the lanes and onto the hard shoulder.
I panicked all of the way into work. I had to ask Richard, but has assured me that if i had done something and the car wanted me to stop, it wouldn't have dropped behind. And would have put it's sirens on when i didn't stop.
I know that when it comes to driving i panic very easily. But then if i cannto drive, i cannot work. posted by (0) comments Monday, February 04, 2002
I had a weird weekend. found out that more people couldn't come to my party, so i decided to cancel it. Then suddenly people started emailing saying that they were sorry that they hadn't emailed before...and were just about to...but by then it was too late.
I haven't had the new newsletter yet, but SPICE hits town is supposed to be at tiger tiger this month. I've been longing to go there ever since it opened...
I had a "discussion" about housing with aother spice friend. She told me that waiting until i had enough deposit for my own place meant that i would still be living with my mu, at 70 (of course she'd be dead by then...). I cried. I have no-one to turn to for advice like this, so i generally go on what feels right. Her solution was for me to go into council accomodation. To me, it isn't acceptable. I would never be able to afford my own place if i did that, and council accom is not my own place.
Then she started on about housing association places, and got very cross with my cynical view that the council are pushing this as an alternative to council accom purely for their benefit. Yeah well, it's a fairly intelligent point to make, i thought. But housing association accom isn't for me either, because you don't own it.
Then she thought that moving after 4-7 years was silly. I guess in the end i am unashamedly middle-class, and want to get on that property ladder, rather than getting something now and staying there for ever.
And i don't want that. I am middle-class. I want my own place, my very own (well mine and the building society's!), and i want to think about moving somewhere bigger on a few years. Room for cats and more books.
Oh, following Adorable reader Sam's advice. I emailed that chappy. I'm not sure about his reponse. I guess i wanted to email for a bit, because people do judge me on my size (both height and width!) and because i am afraid.
Not afraid of getting into a relationship, but of making him think i am interested and then i have a repeat of the toilet incident. Every time i see this guy i shy away, and cannot look him in the face. Which is ridiculous, since i in no way led him on, and it was he who followed me unbidden.
I should stare him straight in the eye, with all the contempt that i can muster (which is quite a lot on a good day). I know that he feels that he didn't do anything wrong, but i think that he did. And if i say that something is unacceptable he should be man enough to say ok and apologise.
You know what, i will screw my courage to the sticking point and stare him in the eyes unafraid next time i see him.
I will think of all those people who give me the courage to be strong and imagine them staring with me.
posted by (0) comments stolen from gen
posted by (0) comments Friday, February 01, 2002
I watched BBC's Horizon last night about peruvian pyramids. I was shouting at the TV at their specious arguments. I was very glad to hav a quick peek at the message board for it, and find out that i wasn't alone.
Trade and agriculture as reasons for the growth of a city were all taught to me as part of A level geography (at least, it could well have been even earlier) in 1994! I was very disappointed. I do have an interest in Ancient History, and Peru is a fascinating place. But this programme was dreadful.
I think i'll stick to the OU programmes i have been watching. posted by (0) comments Thank you to adorable reader Sam for pointing out that my .hover was set to white. D'oh!
This also means that i have been doing both earlies and on call in the evening. Which makes for a very long day (roughly 18.5 hours). Right now i just want to curl up in a corner and sleep/die. Either would be preferable.
I was ready to drop at 9, but had to stay awake until 11. I read some more of girl with a pearl earring, and watched the sex and the city episode.
When i could go to sleep, i had revelations about my childhood and why i feel certain ways about things. I cried a lot, but it felt cathartic by the end. It isn't stuff i could really put on an open forum lke this, but i do have a diary-x account so i shall probably write it there and password it for my notify list.
But you know what day it is, right?
Yes! It's time for the Friday five!
1. Have you ever had braces? Any other teeth trauma?
I also have no nerve in one of my top front teeth (probably due to being kicked in the face in a kickboxing lesson). I had a filing in my last year at uni done by a dodgy dentist. It went bad within a year and i had to have a root canal. Sometime in the future i'll get it crowned.
I do not like my teeth.
I also have a scar on the little finger on my right hand where Lindsay's hamster bit me and held on... on my index finger of my right hand i have a small scar from playing unihoc, and a scar from where i had a wart cut out.
My face is scarred on the forehead from where my mother would squeeze my spots.
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