I had a wee bit of a melt down at work today. Or rather, i could feel one coming on and i just grabbed my stuff and left. Just coudln't stay in that environment any longer withough completely going mad. I got in my car and drove to the Sainsburys carpark by work and sat and cried in my car for about 25 minutes. Then i went back into work. As i walked through the door i immediately ran into ou HR person who took me into her room and made sure i was ok. she said i had done the right thing by leaving because i was so stressed, and recommended that i go home. But i didn't.

I knew that if i went home i would just go home and worry or cry. so far, the rest of today has been ok.

A bit hot, because our air con isn't working, but i'm still in one piece.

posted by small 4:51 PM

I need cheering up
posted by small 2:52 PM

After messing around for nearly 3 weeks, i have almost finished the last part of tma02. I enjoyed learning about Philosophy, but creating my own arguments was MUCH harder than i thought it would be. I have just one left now, so i am quite pleased. I also started watching the tv programme about the colloseum. Some of that, i'm sure, will not be new to me, so i should be able to make up some ground again.

I'm feeling quite down at the moment. And it's not just the lack of a love life. It's work. I feel...as if i am being pushed out. Training being denied, being ignored, remarks about me never being in on monday mornings (which is when i see my pychy bloke)...

But i spoke to HR who said that i should not be worried at all...

Congratulations to Norah Jones! 8 Grammies!

I also decided to switch banks. There were two final straws. One, i couldn't find an HSBC near me that had Saturday coutner service and two, the automatically put cardguard onto my new creditcard. I asked for it to be taken off, but they should have asked me first if i wanted it!

So i marched to Halifax and in a few months i shoudl be fully transfered!

posted by small 4:33 PM

Making people happy and smile is such a good feeling.

I took of the stappy thing that was on my knee last night. Only to find that there were blisters underneath it. Ouch! Still, at least my knee is walk-on-able now.

I went to my house and continued to organise and tidy up. Definately a good thing since my mum's new sofa arrives this week, which means i get her old one. I think it'll make a difference because i'll have something decent to sit on! And it means that more than one person can sit down at a time!

My kitchen is so depressing. I decided that even though at this point in time i can't afford to redo it, i'm going to put pictures and posters on the walls. That is an easy and cheap way of brightening it up, and personalising it too. I have loads of postcards from friends that have been sent through the years, and now i will have a place to display them and gain new joy from them.

I need to finish decorating the hall, and then my room. slowly, slowly... I don't feel like decorating in the evenings (unpacking and tidying is another matter), and the last few weekends have been pretty busy. This weekend it's my Grandad's birthday, so i probably won't get anything done then, but i'm going to plan to get the hall finished (or at least run out of paint) but the end of this month. I think i'm going to run out of yellow paint first, but if i finish the green and put up the border, that's a big job done.

posted by small 5:23 PM

I had a few more cards at home, and then in evening i went out with two women from spice to see chicago. I had never met the two women before, but it was far better than staying at home and crying. I enjoyed the film, but didn't think it rated all the nomnations it's getting!

Saturday i went to the Good Health show were i discovered that my knee is really buggered up, and i have a strap on it now. Apparently i am too flexible and push my joints further than they are supposed to go. My knee injury was caused by not bending correctly when skiing. The physio at the good Health show also mentioned that i have bad posture, and he recommended pilates as a way to improve my posture and hence help me to bend and use my joints properly thus stopping the pain i have and preventing further injury.

Sounded sensible to me, so i have booked a Pilates class for Wednesday. The strapping has lessing the pain further, although when i did a circuits class on Sunday squatting and jogging did cause me some pain.

So i kept myself busy...

posted by small 5:26 PM

Happy birthday to me. I was lucky enough to be bought the west wing and twin peaks dvds from my mum, and amelie on dvd and a book from my sister. Plenty to view! I also had a lovely text message from James very early this morning!

I'm feeling a bit blue really, since none of my friends can celebrate my birthday with me (what with them all being married), so instead i'm going to meet two people i have never met before (from spice) and am going to the cinema this evening. At least i can tell myself that i'm not sitting at home and moping, i'm going out and meeting new friends and being positive.

I decided that since i'm feeling quite depressed today i'm going to do what i can to cheer other people up. I've sent out a few things to people, and it has definately cheered me up.

posted by small 3:28 PM

My knee seems to be sorting itself out, hurrah!

you know what day it is tomorrow, right? I feel that black dog already...

posted by small 5:32 PM

I'm back! One knee slightly knackered, but otherwise all limbs intact.

And i'm back for that annual depression again my birthday/valentines day. Maybe this year i will get a V day card!

posted by small 3:42 PM