I put on a pound, which is not suprising and probably better than i had hoped. But i still cannot get into good eating or exercising again. I didn't go to the gym this weekend, and stuffed myself on stupid things on Sunday.

I am going to try harder this week.

I now have pet insurance. Just as well as Charlie is going off his food. Maybe its the weather.

I'm still doing badly on the money front, but have just about given up on that. On the other hand, i now have enough things in stock to make weekday meals for about 3 weeks! This is good going and i am pleased with this. I keep hopign each month that my spending will go down, but it just doesn't.

I am thinking seriously about joining the Birmingham hospital Saturday fund. For 4 pounds extra than my dental insurance is now i can claim some of my contacts or glasses back, and on that alone i will be 50 pounds better off. I think it will be worth it as i know i will need glasses!

posted by small 5:06 PM

I did some more work on my tma, and i am planning on typing it up on Saturday. Tonight i will go ahead ans start block 3.

I have just finished my second re-read of the well of lost plots. The first time it wasn't my copy, and now i have my own. I am not sure whether to go for Something Rotten (which was a Christmas present), or finish off The Time Travellers Wife. Possibly the latter, i have to eke out the Thursday Next novels.

posted by small 5:05 PM

Oh dear i have 140 quid to last until payday now. I still keep going out to the supermarket and buying crap. I am going to have to be a lot stricter with myself. Obviously i am down a lot as i had to pay 55 quid for a gas installer to come out, which was not my choice.

I have to pay my credit card and council tax, which is well over a hundred, plus petrol.

My grandma gave me 10 pounds on Monday, before grandpa died, so i am going to try and use this for food. I should be ok as i have a freezer full of stuff and can make at least 9 meals with what i have right now in the house. I guess the few extra tins i will need to make it go further can come from my other bank account. It was my carpet fund, but that seems like the least of my worries right now! I will be ok i guess.

I think i really need to get my water metered, it will save me so much money.

Sometimes i really hate that life is like this. I try and think back to how i managed when i was only less than half of what i am now. I remember, i never went out or did anything.

Urgh my eating has gone completely to pot. I have decided that i'm not going to try seriously until Saturday. I just hope i don't put on too much.

I also need to catch up studying...

posted by small 5:36 PM

I went straight home after work on Monday, fed Charlie and then zoomed up to Leicester to visit my Grandma at home. She was rather hazy about what had happened, so i said that i woudl come back up tomorrow (Tuesday) and we woudl go and find out.

Unfortunately the hospital rang just as i was leaving at around 8:45 and said that we should go to the hospital straight away.

It was rather nightmarish as i don't know the hospital, and it seems like my grandma didn't know either. What should have taken just 10 minutes stretched a lot longer, as it is the kind of hospital where there is no receptionist after 6pm. We eventually found the medical unit and we were taken into a vistors room. I think i already knew then.

The Senior staff nurse and the Doctor came in and to me it was inevitable. Grandpa has died. The Doctor was a bit patronising: she said Grandpa had been very poorly. Well, yes we knew that. But anyway, his heart had stopped and they ahd tried for 30 minutes to recsusitate him, but it was no use. I cried. Not only did i manage to miss Dad, but i missed Grandpa too.

Grandma then went into see him, and i phoned work (yes, first, but i knew that if i didn't i probably wouldn't be in a good enough state) then i phoned mum. Then i went to see Grandpa.

I don't think i want to do that kind of thing again. I regretted not seeing Dad after he had died, but now i don't. It wasn't Grandpa lying there cold, with his mouth open. It was just a shell. Grandma kept asking if i wanted to go, and i said that he was happy to stay as long as she wanted, but eventually i said that i didn't see what point there was. That wasn't Grandpa anymore. So we went back to Grandma's. I stayed for a little while, but eventually drove home and was in bed around midnight. I think she mighthave wanted me to stay, but i needed to be alone.

Tuesday morning i got up and did a few odd jobs, and then went back to Leicester. We had lunch, and then i made arrangements. We went to the hospital to pick up his effects and the cause of death certificate. I signed for it, as Grandma was still in shock. I arranged the registrars appointment and an appointment with the funeral director. She was quite happy for me to do this as it is a bit beyond her. Fortunately mum is going to see her on Friday, so mum will take her to the registrar and the funeral director. Going to see them on Tuesday was too much for Grandma.

She doesn't want to change things because she thinks it's going to be prying into Grandpa's life. I had hoped that she had learnt from Dad's death that when you die you don't get to have secrets anymore. Grandma doesn't know where Grandpa worked, and doesn't want to change bills or let anyone who needs to know know. I was happy to do it for her, but she just kept saying that it was prying into his life. This is not going to be easy at all, but i don't want to find out that her gas or electricty has been cut off because she won't change the bills into her name.

Tuesday i travelled home ready to go to Good Hope hospital. Lindsay had her baby on Sunday night. A little boy, Oliver. I went with Kate, and drove to her mums house and then she drove to the hospital. I was able to have a long hold of little oliver and he was as good as gold! Lindsay is such a good mum, so relaxed and chilled out. It realyl shows. Poor Marcus has chicken pox, so he is not able to visit; and not only that but the hospital are not sure when Lindsay will be allowed home!

So that is an up beat note to end on for now.

posted by small 5:19 PM

i think i just had the worst weekend ever. I was supposed let onstream in to change my gas meter, then go and visit my grandparents. Instead onstream came around, do a rubbish job and said i had a gas leak. My gas was cut off and i then spent the next 7 hours waiting for a gas installer to come around. There was no leak, but by heating and water heater are apparently unsafe and canot be switched back on again. Fantastic.

Uncle Bob came around on Sunday, and he measured up for new combi boiler and rads. It was planned, but it's just had to come sooner. Although, that said, i don't know when it will be as he is very busy at the moment.

Still i have an electric shower and an electric heater, so i stave off most of the cold. I also purchased an electric blanket, which really helped. MY bedroom gets cold very quickly and this keeps me nice and warm. Charlie doesn't appear to notice the difference at all!

I also bought straighteners which i think are going to take me a while to get good with, i am not very dextrous with my left hand at all!

I also started tma03. I am finding this tought, i have a further 300 qords to write on the short question, and i'm not sure i can fill them. I am going for 100 words a night to try and keep up.

The whole gas thing meant i couldn't go and visit my grandparents, they will have to wait until easter weekend.

I've just heard that Grandpa has been rushed into hospital. More soon.

posted by small 4:24 PM

I managed to send off tma02 early! I have had a look at tma03, it is quite a jump. instead og 1200 words, it's 2000. I am aiming to have finished the block by Saturday, and then will attempt to start the tma on Sunday.

I forgot to mention that i went for physio yesterday. The therpist got me to take my shoes and socks off and was shocked by my feet. "They are really bad", he said. "err... thanks", i replied. Clearly my flat feet are not helping matters.

I have now been referred to a podiatrist, but have also been given some exercises to do. It is very noticable that my left leg is weaker than my right. This won't help with supporting my knee, so the idea is to get that stronger too. When the podiatrist has seen me, and hopefully helped me out, i will go back to the physio.

posted by small 5:37 PM

I had a very hectic Saturday. First to the gym, then to the opticians to find out where me new trial contact lenses are, then to mums to drop off her borthday present. All of this meant that i simply didn't have enough time to get the train into town, so i had to drive.

I parked in the cage and trotted over to the big Boots where i found out that i had lost 3lbs! I guess that if i can stay the same one week and lose 3 the next i will be happy. I think trekked to the BMI and had my tutorial. I was rather weird as the middle session is shared between my tutor and the previous tutor - so i can see that i am going to have to attend all 3 sessions, instead of the prescribed two. Not that i mind really, as this is a tough course and i need all the help i can get. Tough in a good way, as i found out i got 73 for tma01!

posted by small 1:43 PM