I think it'll be more rewarding when more has come off! Because i have so much to lose, a stone makes a little difference, but not such a radical one. That said though i have gone from a BMI over over 50 to 48.5. At present unless you examine me closely i don't think you could really tell the difference! I know exactly what you mean about changing obsessions. I love food and i really love eating out and almost everything i do revolves around eating in some form or another. Which is quite a scary thought really. Most of the time i do eat pretty well, my downfall is when i am at work i snack... well maybe not i think it's probably more involved than that as a packet of crisps and a choclate bar doesn't add up to how much i weigh now really. Being single i frequently eat alone and when i do that i think i eat more than i should...it's probably that rather than going out an eat maccy d's every night (which i certainly wasn't doing!).

That's lying to myself.

I know i ate more. I would buy a pizza from Asda and eat the whole thing myself (with no-one to share it with i guess i thought i had to). I would buy entire cakes and eat them myself. Same with packets of sausages and burgers...

I can't wait until i can buy clothes which aren't from the big girl range!

posted by small 3:53 PM

I've heard that Nell McAndrew's dvd's are supposed to be good, but could a very unfit person follow them?

I had the first Bev Callard video and i did that all the time when i first got skinny. I gave that to Joolz though as i did it so often that i ended up quite sick of it. That reminds me, i found osme clothes that i bought when i get that skinny...how on earth i fitted into them i do not know. And yet i did very comfortabley. I doubt that if i lose all the weight now that i will unless i have surgery!

I'm a bit calmer now. I've plugged my numbers into one of those programmes that works otu how many carolies i need, apparently i need about 2.5k so if i'm eating 400 i have to lose weight at some point.

A big hallo to Fiona, mmm cheese on toast..... oh stop it!!

The cambridge diet thing i'm planning on doing until i get slim. If i lose 4lbs a week, that bring me until March. I am very overweight, and i do know it so i have long way to go. It is definately not a diet for everyone. They don't let you do it if you have less than three stone to lose. It is very radical, and i think a lot of people mentally raise eyebrows at what i am doing. However, the fact is that i am (still!) morbidly obese and am in danger of heart attack, diabetes, further knee and ankles problems etc etc. I find that slimming world works well for me, but because i have so much to lose it would take me years and as soon as i consciously realise it, i get discouraged.

I am glad that i am inspiring you Fiona, you've inspired me to not get discouraged but to keep with it! For that i thank you!

I'll post a picture over myself this week, so that one stone gone can be seen and not just imagined.

posted by small 3:14 PM

Scales slightly moved this morning, but i am a bit concerned about this slow down in weight loss. There is a coffee and cake sale in aid of Macmillan at work, how much would i love a cup of tea and a cake?

Quite a lot really.

I am struggling quite badly today. Feeling desperately hungry (i was told the hunger would go, but it hasn't really!) and a bit depressed and squashed as i won't meet my 4lb target. Will this eventually slow down and stop altogether? This is my main worry, as i am spending a lot and my desire to eat is very strong. Although, that said, i have not given in despite the temptation which surrounds me at work. Work is definately the hardest.

Maybe i need more of a goal...but it's so far off and the weightloss slowing down means tat goal is getting further and further away. I don't know. I'm so mixed up and confused. I just wish this could be over.

I think that i'm going to have to get serious about doing exercise. I don't have any vids anymore so i'm going to look for a dvd.

posted by small 1:19 PM

i'm still stuck at one stone lost. I suppose in a way i should be grateful, but honestly when i spend my lunchtime watching my friends eat a full roast and i just have a glass of water i would expect the scales to shift after three days!

Did a good bit of revision last night, the funeral speech and most of Lysistrata. I'm just going through blocks, and i'm going to go through the reading books on the weekend as there is much more in those! I shall just be glad when it's over!

Tough at lunch today as one of the options was comberland sausage and mash. For resisiting that i feel i should deserve to lose two lbs overnight! It was also had as one of my work colleages kept asking me to taste his dessert.He knows i'm not eating, but kept pushing me to eat it.

I didn't, but oh boy i could have.

I think i'm going to plan a trip to London after my exam. I've wanted to go to the V & A for ages...I'd love to go and show too...but then i would want to eat...so maybe i would be better with a day trip.

posted by small 3:46 PM

For those of you worrying about my bag, it was at home. Phew!

I woke up this morning with a killer headache, and now at work i'm finding it really hard to concentrate. I've taken a paracetamol, but so far it's not really helping. Getting ill when i'm trying to revise at night and gear up for an exam is not good.

i'm doing block 2 at the moment, doing a section a night. Most of it i already know, which is good as it bolsters my confidence, and is preparing me for the roman stuff which i don't like. I keep reminding myself that i just need to pass! I would love to get a good pass 2 overall, but i'm not going to beat myself up too much. After all, this is for fun!

Scales a bit stuck still, but at least they show that i've lost a stone.

When i've tried SW the last two times i would get close to half a stone and then i would slip, get discouraged and would never go back. Whats so different this time? Well, i supposed i didn't really like the SW group i was in, the leader wasn't inspiring and had no control over the group who would mostly talk loudly over what she was saying...

Had another play at Katamari last night, good fun, but i forgot to save! Oh well, probably none tonight, and i'll have a good stab at Lysistrata..

I've now registered and paid for the astronomy course. The course fees are 115 pounds, so 60 of those will go with my regular 60 quid cc payment, the rest from the next cycles on-call money, so hopefully i should managed to clear the card again next month. I'm hoping that it will also give me something to think about and focus on other than food and weight-loss!

Did you know that New Look are now doing shoes for teens? Brilliant! My feet are really small and this is ideal, i was so excited that i told the store manager and hoped that she woudl pass on how grateful i was to head office. You never know! I didn't buy anything, as i have already spent my clothes allowance for this month, but it was actually nice to be in a "normal" shop for once. New Looks Inspire range (the big sizes) is pitifully small, so i cannot wait until i can fit into their normal clothes!

I feel like I have completely wasted my twenties...well now i'm in my thirties things are going to be different.

Joolz has invited me to a pirates and castaway party in Oxford (i'm guessing Kate's doing it). I don't know when, and i know that food will be a massive lure, so i will have to find out when so i can plan extra tetras.

posted by small 9:15 AM

Slightly concerned as i appear to have misplaced my ratty asda bag which held things like my palm cd and my cheque book. It's not in my car, and i swear that i didn't bring it into my house last night. I am really hoping that i did as it also have my YouGov cheque in it, which i have not yet had time to take to the bank.

With the on-call money from two weeks ago i've now paid off my credit card! It's not money that i can rely on coming in each month, but definately good to use for paying it off! It does mean that next month i have 60 pounds...so i guess i could sign up for the astronomy course...

I could murder a cauliflower gratin right now...

Or a jacket potato wih tuna mayo...

Sorry to get my Steve's mixed up! I'm not really much of a drinker (except when it comes to gin). I still have a good half a bottle of gin in my cupboard, nice organic gin from Highgrove....oh don't get me started on that too, it's bad enough thinking and dreaming about food!

posted by small 3:55 PM

Steve, you are always the purveyor of wisdom. I, in fact, met my target of losing 4lbs this week, and at my unoffical weigh-in on Saturday i was 15 stone 8 - which is a loss of 5lbs! Yey me! I do rather jump on and off the scales, which is not always productive, but at this point in time i can't stop!

I'm ot hoping for such a big loss this week for various reasons which i want go into here, but i'm sure the ladies reading this will know what i mean!

Despite that though i should be able to reach one stone lost, which means i could be buying my wireless router next weekend!

I don't want this to become just a log of weight loss and dieting, but i guess because of my weight i haven't been able to do what i want...

I'm thinking about doing the OU astronomy short course over the xmas period. I don't need to do it, as i have enough points now. It's over 100 quid though, which would have to go on my credit card, which is mildly annoying as i am so close to paying off my credit card (just over 100 left on it). The OU don't let you pay for short courses in installments, unlike their normal courses and this was really something i was thinking about yesterday evening.

that reminds me, i finally got my Katamari game! I had a short play with it on Sunday, it's a very strange game, but i can see me getting into it. So i guess the winter break could be taken up with either astronomy or katamari!

I swear i can smell buttered toast in the air....mm toast with pate...

I went to my last tutorial on Saturday, i stayed for the whole day and i do feel nwo like i could do the exam. I just need to plod my way through the blocks, and read my texts. I'm probably still going to answer questions about 5th century athens and roman life, but i am still going over homer as it could come up as a source question...

I shall just be glad when it's over as i really do hate exams. Next year i think is going to be a killer...

Just think though, gentle readers, by the time i start my next course i could be slim! I coudl even go back to having a jacket potato after a tutorial (if they do level 3 tutorials). Looking at the kind of food i ate, mostly it was pretty healthy. Weetabix for breakfast, something hot from the canteen for lunch and something lighter for tea like pasta or a simple boiled egg with soldiers. It was all of the snacks that i ate during the day that was bad. After all, a Saturday treat of a jacket potato with cheese and beans is not exactly a bad thing! I can see me eating much more vegetarian food in the future, plenty of pasta, beans, rice. After all, as i said several times, it wasn't as if was going home and eating a whole packet of biscuits, or having macdonalds every night.

When i was strolling through Birmingham on Saturday i noticed that one of the shops (think it was gregs) are not doing hot wraps. I nearly caved then and there as i love wraps, and hot wraps are even better. I was strong though.

posted by small 3:15 PM

Day 13, and i'm really quite upset as i appear to have put a pound. I don't really understand how this can have happened as i have stuck to the diet 100%. I could weep, especially as i came into the office, sat down at my desk and someone was eating a bacon and fried egg sandwich which smelled so delicious.

I especially can't believe it after i went for a walk yesterday lunch, and went and walked around Asda.

Urgh, the water tastes weird at work today.

I swear i am trying not to think about food, and running off to spud-u-like tomorrow. honestly thought i would love a walnut and stilton Galette with a carrot salad.

I think i'm going to invest in some scales which measure body fat, as although i put on a 1lb i must surely have lost body fat. I shouldn't really be spending money, as i did buy that t-shirt at the pipettes, but i need to do something to keep me really motivated.

Going to go round to Linds tonight to try and fix her PC. I doubt i can, as i'll need the orginal windows discs, which she probably hasn't got anymore.

I'm trying to actively move more at work. Things like getting up and going over to people desks to speak to them, instead of msning them or emailing them. Everybit has to help, right? No walk at lunchtime today as it is pouring down...

posted by small 3:41 PM

The Pipettes were cool last night. I couldn't see a great deal, i was on the second line of people from the front, but of course everyone was taller than me! I tried to take a couple of pictures, but mostly all you can see is the arms of the people in front of me! oh well! Still, the music was great. I had to stand for nearly 3 and a half hours. My back didn't hurt, but boy did my feet. And after that i didn't lose the pound ihad hoped for. Ah well. Still, i bought a t-shirt and i hope to keep losing weight so that i can fit in it. apparently Becki from The Pipettes was moved to tears because people were having such a great time being there seeing them! It was terribly hot, the poor girls were dripping after only a few songs, but i think that the tour started out great - and i hope that everyone else who goes to see them also has a good time!

The next gig i'm going to is Imogen Heap, i'm hoping that it's downstairs so that i can go to the balcony and get a better view! I should also weigh less by then, so my legs might keep going!

I'm on track to lose 4lbs by weigh-in on Saturday (it's not an official weigh-in as my CDC is now only doing fortnightly sessions), so hopefully the week after i will be well over my stone lost, and i'll be buying a wireless router!

I went out for a brief walk at lunchtime, as i know i won't be exercising tonight. I have to go to Asda to buy catfood, the get home, have my evening soup and then study. I've got a tutorial on Saturday, and i'm probably going to stay for the whole day. I think it's better that way as i associate going to a tutorial with going to spud-u-like for lunch afterwords. Heck, there are even books that i associate with food : The school at the chalet is me eating a hot fat jacket at The Fort with beans and cheese...

When i'm lonely i often take myself off for a meal...

One of the ways in which i am going to change my life when i have finished with this crazy diet is to make really delicious packed lunches. Not the boring plain ham sandwiches which i batch make and freeze, but wraps with salad and a little chicken, fruit and plenty of water.

posted by small 8:11 AM

Had a call from Linds last night, more computer problems. It could be a virus, or it could be that their copy of XP was one of those that was a corporate edition and other people have also registered it. They seem to get a lot of viruses, far too many for normal. I've only had one virus in the last ten years, i guess.... I've said that i will go over on Friday night and try and help. I suspect that it may be a good idea to completely reinstall xp, but she has no idea where the cd's are... I don't mind helping out, but everytime i go around there i usually spend several hours downloading all of the updates, and trying to fix all of the viruses, and i get so tired... and all for nothing! Especially since now i can't even get a meal out of it (normally if i do it on a weekend, i get lunch!). Oh well. I am too good.

I had a good harrumph as i got onto the motorway this morning. Now there are numerous signs on the slip road for roadworks, speed camera and speed limits which were not there yesterday. I couild definately only see the one camera, so i should be ok - but really, they should have had those signs on the slip road yesterday morning.

Day 11 and i'm doing better. Still hungry, and still have dreadful skin. I am now craving a tuna jacket potato. Seriously badly.

Still, i'm off to see the Pipettes tonight. I'm going to have to drive into Brum, but i have no idea where to park. I can see myself ending up at Selfridges which is mega expensive...

Last night i did a bit of my eye toy kinetic, and tonight i'll jump and dance around to the pipettes, so i am getting a bit of exercise in!

posted by small 3:22 PM

I've been doing some digging and it looks like they are SPECs cameras which measure your average speed, and if the one i went through (if indeed it was up by then) was the last one, then i should be ok. I'm pretty sure that there isn't anywhere to put another between there and where the speed restriction ends, so i'm feeling better now. I am still rather cross though that they didn't have signs on the slipway this morning.
posted by small 6:51 PM

I am so cross. They've put in a contrflow around junction 5 of the m6 with a 40 speed limit. Did they have signs on the slip road up to the motorway this morning? No. So of course i didn't do 40 until i saw a sign on the motorway telling me that it was 40 and a speedcam area. Did i go past a policeman on the motorway this morning? Yes. As i came back home this evening there was definately a speed camera on one of the gantries. I am furious. My only hope is that it wasn't there this morning. But hey, at least they have signs on the slip road now saying that it's 40, so i am praying that the camera wasn't there this morning either and that the police were there to protect the people putting up the camera.

I can hope right? Otherwise i feel it's a bit unfair really. I guess i have to wait two weeks...

posted by small 6:29 PM

Day 10 and i'm doing ok. I'm losing, i think, about 0.5 lb a day. Boy do i wish it were a whole pound. I am going to make an effort to do some exercise as i think that will help a lot. I am still really hungry though.

We had a visitor at work, which meant a free buffet lunch was laid on. I had to keep walking past trays of delicate sandwiches (tuna and cucumber, yum), slices of pizza, vol-au-vents and some lovely looking fruit (i love strawberries). I was so strong though.

I'm still organising the evening do at work - and looking at menus of food is so hard. The hunger hasn't gone away at all, i long to eat food and feel "full". But maybe when i do start eating again i'll know what realy hunger actually feels like!

I think the problem at the moment is how long can i go before i finally crack; i keep hearing that hunger is supposed to go - but it hasn't yet for me!

posted by small 4:10 PM

Day 9 and i cannot say that the hunger has abated at all. I am ravenous. My CDC said it should get easier this week and next week, but i am still shakey and could chew my own arm off... Still i keep reminding myself that i lost 7.2 lbs, which is a good loss. I want to try and lose 4lbs a week, and i'm going to buy myself rewards when i get there. The first thing that i want is a nintendo ds. However, I discovered that at teh end of October they are going to bring out a pink one in Europe! So for my first stone i'm going to buy a wireless router and usb adaptor.

I am struggling somewhat, but using that and the fact that when i go to see Nerina next in November I want to have lost a significant amount!

I get a fair amount of stick at work for doing this, but i am just letting it ride over me. I am sorely tested though!

Thanks Steve, I am sticking with it! I think it's more that i have such a lot to lose that it can be a bit soul destroying. Plus i've not really thought about what happens with my eating when i start back again. I love food...

On another note my grandpa's estate got sorted out a few weeks ago, the solicitors were supposed to give grandma her money and they still have not. My mum got quite irate with them, and they aren't going not charge a fee now. I should hope not, as i feel entirely certain that they have made a nice packet from the interest. They have been terrible, not doing anything unless my mum phones up and hassles them, sending letters which are full of inaccuracies and spelling mistakes. When grandma dies (which is a rather morbid thing to think about i guess, but since we've been dealing with probate issues since 1999, there's little point in pretending that it won't happen) there is no way we will use them for grandma's estate.

Mum says that grandma is a bit frail now, and when my exam and revision time is over, i'll start going up with mum to visit her. No eating though which is going to be mega hard. Mum also says that my sister is getting too thin. She is going to the gym a lot...guess mum can't win.

I'm organsing an evening out with work at a pub, which means i'm having to look at menus for snacks, this is so hard!

Ok i'm going to think about my wireless network and then my pink DS.

In an effort to move more i went and did my walk around Brookvale. The sailing club was out and it was hard not to stop and just watch the boats with pale blue sails glide over the lake! I don't think it's something that i can do weeknights though, it's too far from the road and too many bushes and quiet spots around for me to feel safe (there is a lot of graffitt and litter, which makes me think that some unruly elements of society do go there).

posted by small 4:01 PM

I think that you can see a difference already - a little gone from around my hips i think.
posted by small 6:10 PM

Day 6, and one of the contractors at work has got the weekly Friday brunch and it smells so good... however said that the hunger pangs would go away is lying...

I swear that i could still eat a horse. I weighed myself again, and i'm nearly at 7lbs lost, so i am hoping for a good half stone. It';s not what i wanted, but then i keep telling myself nto to be so silly, and that this is a good loss. If i hadn't done it, i could have been pushing 17 stone.

I think it's easier to follow the plan when i'm at home because i know that i eat when i'm bored, fed up and stressed.

I started beading again last night, i need to finish off three necklaces that i started which will be for my mum to give as gifts. They are quite nice, and i hope the recipients like them! There are a couple of other projects in the magazines i get (wish more were available in the UK from shops!) which i might make as christmas prezzies for people.

Anything to stop me thinking about food... gosh i wish i had got into the double digits. I've not cheated, and i'm following the plan exactly. I guess i need to move more...I wish i had my dance mat. I lent it to Pin, and i've not been able to meet up with her and get it back. I lvoe dancing, and it doesn't put any strain on my right arm leaping about on the mat. I do get odd looks from passersby though!

I've been asked to organise a night out at work - drinks and good. This is so hard...

The lunch at work today was hot wrap, which is my favourite canteen lunch. So hard... i keep reminding myself that potentially i have lost half a stone in a week, which despite my desire to lose more is VERY GOOD.

I put that last bit in capital letters to remind me.

So hungry though.

posted by small 8:18 AM

Me Last Sunday
posted by small 9:15 PM

Thank you to however said i don't look as if i need to lose 7 stone! I hope you are looking at me, an not my friend next to me! It's probably truer to say that i have closer to 9 stone to lose. I weighed (according to my scales) on Sunday 16 stone 6. I should be around 7 stone, but i'm aiming to weigh around 9 stone, and when i get there i'll reassess. I really am very overweight. But hey, at leas i'm doing something about it. Day five now. Still very, very hungry.

Disappointingly i didn't appear to have lost anything over night, so i'm now just hoping for a solid half stone loss this week. I'm thinking that now i'm not feelng quite so lethargic that i should try and do some exercise...

My skin looks really bad. I'm guessing all the water I am drinking is flushing out the toxins, but there is nothing worse than feeling starving hungry and having a face full of spots!

posted by small 8:37 AM

Day 4 and i am HUNGRY. It is much worse when i am at work. However, i do appear to have lost another pound, and i am hoping for a 10lb loss on Saturday, although anything over half a stone would be brill.
posted by small 8:27 AM

It's terrible, i am craving food so badly. However, i do appear to have lost a further 2lbs, which makes 5lbs in two days...I'm hoping for a good loss at weigh-in which hopfully will keep my going. But oh...i keep dreaming about soft jacket potatos, and going to the cinema and having salty popcorn. It's interesting that the food i am craving is savoury and not sweet...

Still, i'm on day three...I've told my buddies at work. They aren't too impressed, and said i should just eat healthily (they are blokes, by the way). I can understand where they are coming from, and if i had just a couple of stone to lose, then i probably would. However, as i have at least 7 stone to lose, it would take me a long time. If i can keep this up, my plan is to then switch to something like SW, which i know i can do and is healthy, but has a slower weight loss.

To try and take my mind of food eating, and as revision diversion i've won a Katamari game for my ps2. I suspect that this Weekend i will finally get down to doing some revision, i'm not really quite "with it" enough on this first week on CD.

posted by small 1:13 PM

I feel terrible - dreadful light-headed and HUNGRY.

i am sipping my chocolate brik, which is not so bad today. I hope i get into ketosis soon, cos i am starving (possibly quite literally)

posted by small 1:36 PM

Well Saturday morning i met with my Cambridge diet counsillor. She's very strict, a bit like an army officer. I'm not sure that i'm going to get on with her, so i may end up swopping... She rather rushed through all the "choices", and i felt a bit railroaded...

In the afternoon i went to a work do, and i ate sausages, pasta salad, jacket potatoes and had a woodpecker. In the evening i came home and made a spaghetti dish, and this will be the last food i eat for a while.

Sunday i started the diet. I had a butterscotch flavoured shake, which i did not like at all. The smell, coupled with the taste, made me want to heave. Then i had a chocolate tetra pack (a ready made shake) which was not that nice either, but at least when i drink it from the pack in a straw i can't smell it.

In the evening i had a chicken and mushroom which was ok - i'm just not the keen on mushroom flavourings...

This morning i had a vanilla shake which was pretty nice (thank goodness!). My main problem is drinking them fast enough. I'm a really slow eater at the best of times, oh well.

The best part is that i checked the scales this morning, and according to mine i have lost 3lbs in one day. I know that the first week i will lose a lot, so i'm calculating that i will lose 4lbs a week and i could be slim by next March. I know that i'm going to eat properly for christmas dinner. I don't care how much of a dragon my cdc is, that has to be done. I only hope i can sticj to it for that long. I'm hoping that good weightlosses will spur me on. Of course, the less i weigh, the easier i should find exercise, so even if i can't stick to it, a healthier lifestyle is better anyway...

I'm pretty hungry and i am craving a jacket potato with just a sliver of butter on it...

I guess after a month i will also see how much it costs me in real terms as it is not cheap (but cheaper than LL) My councillor is also over the way in aldridge which is ok on a Saturday, but a bit far on a week night. It would be ok, but i have to think about feeding Charlie!

It's hard for me to write this, but i am so embarassed and ashamed of my weight

I need to start looking around for a new mortgage as the discount rate on mine runs out in December.

Oh god - there are samosas at work. I LOVE them - the smell is driving me crazy.

posted by small 11:46 AM

I phoned up the counsilor last night i'm going to see her, with a couple of other ladies, tomorrow afternoon. I'm quite scared as this is a big step for me, but i'm tired of my weight going up and up, being in pain...

To pay for it, i'm going to be strict and use a week of on call money, the car is going to have to wait...

Please think of me tomorrow. I am so tired of everything. I used to be a very lively, active person - orienteering, skiing, dancing the night away, long walks up mountains...

One thing i noticed after being at Gorsley was how well my skin cleared up. I bascially spent all day sitting or roaming outside, with an hour in the morning and an hour at night in the Big Top. Now i'm back at work, and at my desk in an office all day my skin is back to being red and sensitive and blemished.

posted by small 4:09 PM

I guess i never really explained how i found out about Gorsley! It's through Linds,she is friends with someone who worships are the church (i'm afraid i can't remember his name possibly a goulding (in-joke to people who were there on the weekend!)) Did you go this year, Jason? If you saw a very short, overweight chica, it could well have been me! I'm in North birmingham which seems to be very very short on lively churchs - please let me know the names of the one you know, i'll go check them out!

I must add that the group of people i know at Gorsley are known for being rather loud late at night...if you were there and we disturbed you, sorry (although i hasten to add, that it wasn't me being loud!)

I've also applied for another job at work, i don't really have much confidence anymore and the rejections don't really help - but i try!

posted by small 4:08 PM

I've made the decision to go onto the cambridge diet. This is a big step for me, as i love food. I just cannot carry on as i have been though. If i do, i will die.

I got the 59 quid yougov cheque last night! Trouble is the price of bikes at halfords has gone up quite a bit.

posted by small 4:01 PM

I forgot to mention that i decided to go to St cuthberts, my local c of e church on Sunday. The people there were rather on the old side, only a handful of younger people, and a very small congregation. However, the Church Warden welcomed me, and made sure i was followed the service correctly (parts were sung), but it was very High Church. It followed the Anglican book of prayer, most of which i can still recite by heart, but there were "bells and smells", a lot of genuflecting and praying to an Ikon of the Virgin Mary. I don't really think it's for me. Which is a pity, as it is in walking distance of my house, which encourages me to move rather than get in my car...

I am still giving real consideration to doing something like the Cambridge diet. I'm going to wait until i've paid off my credit card, which should be on November...i may even wait until after Christmas, as i think it will stress me out too much...but who knows. I believe it's about half the price of lighter living, and of course i won't be buying normal food, which will go some of the way to helping pay for it. I find it so frustrating getting bigger and bigger. It really isn't as if i sit at hoem and eat a packet of biscuits each night. Lately i've been having very simple meals of scrambled eggs and toast, or spaghetti carbonara which is made without cream or cheese (just spag, some garlic and pancetta fried off in a little olive oil, and then an egg added right at the end). I think i'm getting close to the point where i need to just let go of food completely...

I'm now very eager to pay off my credit card, and perhaps get a little money saved up for car fixing...

posted by small 4:35 PM

Anyway back to the gig. I give Paul, a guy i met at Glee and then the orders signing, a lift down there. We had a really nice chat in the car and found out that we have a lot of interests in common, and that he's going to see the Pipettes too! It took 3 hours, so i was glad that i had alllowed for 4, as it then gave us time to sit in Regents Park and eat some sandwiches. It is a nice park, very well maintained and there were a lot of people using it at around 7pm. If you are ever in the area, and need somewhere to have a nice picnic lunch, I can recommend it. The theatre itself was nice, the seats are sloped so that even I had a good view... now for the bad bit. I was two seats away from the left hand speakers and they were terribly loud. So loud that i had to put my fingers in my ears (and yes, i could still hear perfectly well). The security was very tight on not taking cameras. During the support act (Jon Allen) they were literally going over to people and telling them to stop taking pictures. Which seemed a shame as the guy was ruthlessly plugging his album, so he obviously wants people to take an interest... I can understand it when there is perhaps an official recording going on, or an official photographer (there was no recording, and i saw one official photographer who stayed for the first song, so i'm guessing that he was probably press), but i know that Nerina doesn't mind having her photo taken. And she was wearing a gorgous floating pink dress and lovely sparkly heels. Still Dave took some sneaky photos, but i was in a prime spot and could have got some really good shots..ah well. The security guard who sat close to where i was sitting looked as glum as anything, as if if i tried to take a photo she would be down on me like a ton of bricks..so i didn't dare. The loudness did bother me too, i personally think that Nerina is at her best when it's just her and her piano or guitar. She has such a great voice that she has no need to mask it. Ok, i'll give her the string quartet, but at one point she had three guitarists and drums..and from where i was sitting it did rather drown her out. She commented that the audience was very quiet...i think it was due to the rather draconian security guards personally...

Still, it was Nerina and she is always ace, and i had nice chat with Paul. And it was great to meet some Nerina fans that i haven't seen in at least a year, maybe closer to 3 for some! I also bumped into anna neale, who seems to be going down well in Canada!

posted by small 4:31 PM

I am really tired this morning, after getting home at 2am from the Regents Park Theatre Nerina gig. I've also just eaten a packet of wine gums, and a packet of fruit pastilles and i'm having a big sugar crash.

Note to self: Don't do that again.

posted by small 10:10 AM

I've decided to remove the dreambook - i was just getting loads of dodgy posts. I've you want to contact me, you can leave a comment and i'll either reply personally, or do it in the blog!

One of the things the bloke i was writing about earlier (his name is Dave) was saying that i am looking for something to belong to, to which i can contribute. And that is very true. I don't have much family left anymore, and i'm not particularly close to them. I want to make new friends and be able to share my faith with them...

speaking about the Dreambook i did note a comment about doing something like lighterlife. Believe me, i would but the cost is so prohibitive. Over 60 quid a week...i just don't have the kind of money...

posted by small 4:01 PM

I got the number of the guy who used to run a group for 20's and 30's - before they all started dropping sprogs - to see if i can find a church. He works mainly as a youth minister, but he gave me some good ideas for places to go to. I sent him a text, and i couldn't believe it when he phoned me back about 30 seconds later! We had a good chat, and i hope to keep in touch with him.

I finished tma05 - hurrah! Just revision and an exam to go. I'm giving myself this winter off, so that i can rest before next years course. It will by my first level three, and probably tough...

I'm now down to around 160 quid to pay on my credit card! I then need to build up my pot of money for car repairs, and i will be completely sorted!

Just bought my sisters birthday present, i'll probably get her a little something extra too to sparkle it up.

posted by small 3:48 PM

charlie asleep on "his" chair.

posted by small 3:39 PM

Here is my lovely blue tent at Gorsley. Next to it is the awning of the Linds' trailer tent.

posted by small 3:37 PM